I’m in Pennsylvania after a rough trip through Washington and Baltimore and a few podunk towns in Virginia. Somehow I missed a turn and went around Washington twice, I am sure there is some kind of joke in that, but I am not all that happy or in a mood for humor tonight. No Will Rogers here.

Anyway I figured I could really use a six pack tonight since I am down to my last beer. The traffic is horrendous here and with all these four lane highways you have a hard time getting anywhere without several turn abouts.

So I ask the desk clerk here where I can buy beer and she looks at me with that deer in the headlights look. I think you can buy it at the deli she says. Where is the deli I ask? She doesn’t know. Can you buy beer in a convenience store I ask? She doesn’t know. I am going to go out on a limb here and opine that this lady is not a beer drinker.

So I make several illegal turns and make it to a convenience store which is sadly lacking in beer. I ask the clerk, where can I buy beer? Well he says, do you want a case or a six pack? I tell him that I think a six pack will do so he says, go to Chilis restaurant. Eh? They sell beer to go? Yes he says if you only want a six pack they will sell you one, otherwise you have to go to a beer distributor the other side of town and buy a whole case.

So I head for Chilis but see a wine and spirits store that is only one illegal u turn away so I go there. No stinking beer! I ask the clerk, where can I buy beer? He tells me this story about a great little restaurant just six lights two blocks and several illegal turns away where they will slip me a six pack in the back of the parking lot. Whatever you do, he warns me, don’t go to Chilis because they will rake you over the coals. Hmmm, trial by fire for a freakin six pack?

As I leave the wine and spirits store I notice a Longhorn Steakhouse that says, it is also a saloon. Ok, I think, if they are a saloon they will prolly sell me a six pack like Chilis would so I will just go there and have a salad, since I am hungry, and take a six pack to go. Well aside from the very loud obnoxious country music blasting throughout the place the salad and two Coronas I had were great, but when I go to leave and I try to buy a six pack, the waitress tells me, you have to go to Chilis for that. This is King of Prussia, a big built up town just outside Philadelphia and Chilis is the only place you can buy a six pack? Pennsylvania was founded by the Dutch and Germans who both live on beer. It is home to Yuengling brewery, the oldest brewery in America and yet you have to go to a Chilis restaurant and pay an exhorbitant amount to get a stinking six pack.

I had one Yuengling Light left from Florida where I had bought it in a grocery store and I am drinking that tonight. sheesh It has been a rough day and I will be glad to say goodbye to Pennsylvania tomorrow. I will be driving through New York where I think it is safe to say I will be able to buy a six pack without going to Chilis, but just in case, does anybody know if they also play extremely loud and obnoxious music? What happened to a little soft music in the background for atmosphere and why are there television screens hanging from the ceiling and every post or counter top? What ever happened to sitting down in a quiet place and eating a meal and enjoying some light music, perhaps a little Albinoni, and some good conversation? There were couples in there, but how could they ever talk to each other in that din?

Well anyway, that is why I will never live in Pennsylvania,. Their motto is, “You have a friend in Pennsylvania”, but my advice is don’t meet him or her at any of the popular chain restaurants because you won’t be able to have a conversation unless you are both proficient at signing. I will eventually be in Maine and then perhaps back in Florida, both states where beer is readily available and miles away from Washington D.C..